Today Samuel and I met Natalie and Truman at a bookstore. It was nice to hold her tiny five-week-old as it reminded me of what life was like a year ago, and the months in between then and now.
366 days and 27 hours (of labor) ago, Samuel was born. Of course our lives quickly changed in ways we never could have imagined. It would sound sweet to say that I love him more than I imagined, but that is not true. Almost from the beginning I felt very deeply for this little man that was growing inside me and have never felt otherwise. I am thankful for this as I know it is an unusual gift of God’s grace.
I always wondered if, though I married late and subsequently had a baby later than most, I was made to be a mom. So much of childrearing is right up my alley. However, I have been surprised at how much I fail and feel awkward and ill equipped. As is typical, I have longed to be less regimented and more laid back, as I now believe the best moms are. From the very beginning my type-a personality fought to take away my joy. I spent my entire maternity leave—through tears and on my knees—looking for a way not to go back to work. I unproductively worried about sleep schedules, reflux, food allergies, and how being this kind of parent negatively affected my relationship with David…just to name a few.
And Samuel has grown into a beautiful little man in spite of myself. He is sweet and fun and always makes me proud. (Unless of course I count the many times I allow myself to wake up each night with him, despite his age and weight.) Today it has been nice to quietly celebrate God’s endurance and kindness to our small family. There is a lot to say, but at the moment all is inarticulate. So I will leave you with a few pictures. We are having a little party on Saturday, but he opened a few presents today.
This was taken early this morning when Emma gave Samuel her gift--a a baby doll, which David is really excited about.
This is actually from a week ago, but I thought it was cute. Playing on the trampoline.