Sunday, October 14, 2007

Proud Papa and Other Ponderings


We began this blog thinking that I, Ashley, would be the main contributor to it. We were wrong. It turns out that David's desire to get back into photography and love of learning anything tech-related has teamed-up with his new love, our little man. He has taken great delight in photographing what seems like every moment and then doing all the posting. He has been working on Samuel's first motion picture, which will be coming soon to a computer near you sometime today, I believe. So, for those of you who can't get enough of little Samuel...especially to our families who live so far away, I give to you my inhibited self as David is snapping so many pictures, often with me in them, less than a week after delivery. I have to admit, I love that David has found such delight in all this. We hope you do to. I am also happy to say I have been so impressed with Daddy's keen sense of what the baby and I need. I did not anticipate this to the degree I have found. Nor did I anticipate that he would be more comfortable changing diapers and dressing Samuel than I am. Now if we can just get him to put Samuel down and open a book for school. He has four mid-terms in the next week and a half. Please pray for him.

We are doing well. Looking back, and being vulnerable to tell you, for most of the pregnancy I just could not imagine delivering a healthy son. I worried about him so much. Every day I would look at all the healthy, cute, bright students in my school and be reminded that healthy babies/children are far more common than not and that mine probably would be one of them. When I would see large crowds of people I would, again, use this as an encouragement to see that these people are all so normal and all were once carried by their mothers for nine months, only to be born healthily. It was a strange phonomenon. I think it goes back to my biggest struggle in life: I believe God is real and active in our lives, but how good is he really? Does he really love me and teach me through joy, or is it most often through pain? I know the answer to this question. He is very good. Often his goodness has shown itself to me through struggle, but so often through joyful things as well. As a pessimist, I tend to remember the pain. I have to stop, recall, and submit to both. And really, be thankful that I have experienced both as they have taught me so much.

So all that to say, the feelings that were rushing through my body as I looked over and saw the nurses cleaning off Samuel were unbelievable. Yes, tempered with tons and tons of drugs, but so full of praise. A very healthy, unbelievably adorable little person, now free from my body and with us. Of course we have no idea what is in his future. Sickness and hardships will accompany all his days, and as his mother I know this will be hard to see. However, by God's grace I will continue to go back to what is not only my biggest struggle, but my bedrock faith; his father in Heaven is caring for him far better than I ever can and loves him even more than me.

Okay, time to wake him. His days and nights are really mixed up right now. I think we will try a short walk.

3 comments:

Girl on a Journey said...

Amen to all of this, Ash. I am so with you...

Sheri Hogue said...

you have, somehow, expressed the heart of every mother . . . like you've been a mother all your life.

Isn't it an unspeakable joy to love a son? Enjoy each precious minute - he's bigger already! :)
Love, Sheri

Howard D said...

Congrats you two!!! Dave, the proud papa... please tape record everything you say so that you can make a SNL skit in the near future...

Enjoy the glorious days amidst the ruinous nights.