We are expecting our first child this fall. We are excited, nervous, humbled and prayerful. So far (at 11 weeks) things are going really well, despite our 7 hour stay in the ER yesterday. (Everything is fine, in fact, the doctor diagnosed me with a “bellyache”. Honestly, that word was typed all official-like on the release papers.) We have seen several pictures of our Little One and each time are amazed that such a miracle could come to our home.
Our experience is much different than many of our close friends, which makes the whole thing seem more dramatic, and most of the time exciting. Fifteen years ago I would not have thought my first child would be born when I was 34. Nor would I have pictured being the bread-winner during our child’s first year while my husband finished seminary. I would not have chosen to be in an apartment that is not up to my standards, or a future that is so very unknown. But honestly, being pretty pessimistic, I have always had a hard time picturing being a mom in general, though I have always known I loved children and even felt being a wife and mom just might be “my thing.”
I remember reading in a Dan Allendar book about how dramatic God is. He likes to do big, powerful things in the midst of seemingingly impossilbe situations (think of the Israelites crossing the Red Sea.) With that said, our circumstances, which sometimes cause anxiety, are actually a way God will end up showing his glory by providing for us in dramatic ways that we cannot imagine, or might not have had the chance to imagine, were we more on pace with our college buddies. So we enter this time, staggering forward, yet sober and excited, and perhaps more than anything, dependent on our Lord.
A passage that has encouraged me lately, and I hope will encourage you, is in John. (Sorry, I cannot find the exact reference at the moment.)
Behold, the Lord comes with might,
and his arm rules for him;
behold, his reward is with him.
he will tend his flock like a shepherd;
he will gather the lambs in his arms;
he will carry them in his bosom,
and gently lead those that are with young.
As a new mother, I am encouraged by the last line, but perhaps more than that, I love the imagery of God shepherding his children. I have such a need to remember and recall the fact that God will tend, gather, carry and lead me on the days I trust him or when I don’t.